Research has shown that Reciprocity is a powerful determinant of human behavior. People reward kind actions and punish unkind acts. The importance of this was reiterated by Stephen Covey which he referred to as "emotional bank account".

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People remember those who have helped them, invested time and effort in them. As everyone is busy, receiving a focused attention and support from someone becomes memorable. The principle of Reciprocity compels the person to return the favour with favour, support with support.

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​Click here to watch a comprehensive 12-minutes YouTube video to learn more about Reciprocity and other Influencing factors.

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​With limited resources and time, how could you manage a positive emotional bank account with everyone?

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No, you do not, as this is authentically not possible. The key is in developing a diverse network (see Networking Skill) of resources over time. Identify your key resources and deepen your relationship with them. Yes, developing an emotional bank account takes time, effort and focus, so start today. 

 

In every interaction, exercise Active Listening (see Apparent Sincerity) for opportunities to contribute and deposit into the emotional bank account with the person. Even if the deposit is little, at least you have opened an account with the person (exercise Social Astuteness). You never know when you would need to draw from it, even if it were an overdraft. Keep the account current by being visible (see Networking Skill). When you do withdraw from it, remember to pay back with interest!

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The power of influence is in the "value" of the currency being used. If the currency being offered is not of value to the receiver, it would not be effective.

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Click here to watch a 1.5-minutes YouTube video to learn more about what "value" means in the context of Reciprocity.

 

​Hence it is important to identify and invest using the correct "currency" of exchange. Observe and clarify the motivations, interests, goals and objectives. The currency could be:

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1. Inspiration-related - shared vision, values, morals, ethics.

2. Task-related - information, resources, assistance, cooperation.

3. Position-related - advancement, recognition, visibility, network.

4. Relationship-related - acceptance, inclusion, trust, support.

​5. Personal-related - learning, self concept.

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How would you know what currency to offer?

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​Be clear of your own inventory of currency so that you have genuine currency to offer.

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Observe and identify the currency which aligns with what you have. Find out from your network, clarify through direct interaction. 

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Withhold your judgement and see everyone as potential ally. As you see them in a positive light, you will exhibit positive behaviours towards them. Research has found that people respond positively to those who behave positively to them. They would be more open to your ideas, thoughts and suggestions.

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This enables them listen and understand your perspective, just as you embrace their perspective. 

 

How could I turn an Adversary into Ally when this person is an Adversary in the first place?

Put aside your personal judgement.

Click here to watch this impactful 3-minutes YouTube video on why you should not be too quick to judge.

 

Reflect on how you could have missed developing an Ally due to your personal judgement. 

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​Think about areas where you could offer as an Ally to this Adversary person. Take the first step, clarify the person's needs, identify the mutual goals and offer your alliance. 

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Observe if this person is an Ally to someone. This someone could be your resource to break the Adversary barrier. How possible is it for you to access this someone as your Ally?

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Do not give up if rejected initially. Relationship takes time to mend, heal and rebuild.